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Walter Watts
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Two Against The One
« on: 2008-08-20 14:48:49 » |
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The New York Times
August 20, 2008
Op-Ed Columnist
Two Against The One
By MAUREEN DOWD
WASHINGTON
In the dead of night in a small hideaway office in the deserted Capitol, a clandestine meeting takes place between two senators with one goal.
They grin at each other as they lift their celebratory shots of brutally cold Stolichnaya.
“Our toast to The One,” they say in unison, “is that he’s toast.”
“Obama should have picked you, Hillary,” John McCain tells her. “It isn’t fair, my friend. But it just makes it easier for me to whup him.”
“Don’t worry, John, I’ve put it behind me,” Hillary replies. “I’m looking toward the future now, a future that looks very bright, once we send Twig Legs back to the back bench.”
They chortle with delight.
“He’s a bright young man, but he got ahead of himself,” McCain says. “He needs to be taught a lesson, and we’re the ones to do it. Have you seen the new Bloomberg poll? Obama’s dropped and we’re even again. The Bullet’s getting all the credit, but you and I know, Hillary, that it’s these top-secret counseling sessions we’re having. And thanks again for BlackBerrying me the Rick Warren questions while I was in the so-called cone of silence.”
“Oh, John, you know I love you and I’m happy to help,” Hillary says. “The themes you took from me are working great — painting Obama as an elitist and out-of-touch celebrity, when we’re rich celebrities, too. Turning his big rallies and pretty words into character flaws, charging him with playing the race card — that one always cracks me up. And accusing the media, especially NBC, of playing favorites. It’s easy to get the stupid press to navel-gaze; they’re so insecure.”
“They’re all pinko Commies,” McCain laughs. “Especially since they deserted me for The Messiah. Seriously, Hill, that Paris-Britney ad you came up with was brilliant. I owe you.”
Looking pleased, Hillary expertly downs another shot. “His secret fear is being seen as a dumb blonde,” she says. “He wants to take a short cut to the top and pose on glossy magazine covers, but he doesn’t want to be seen as a glib pretty boy.”
McCain lifts his glass to her admiringly. “If I do say so myself, while the rookie was surfing in Hawaii, I ate his pupus for lunch. Pictures of him pushing around a golf ball while I’m pushing around Putin. Priceless.”
“I have a little secret to tell you about that, John. Bill made it happen. He loves you so much. He called Putin and told him that if he invaded Georgia, he could count on being invited to the Clinton Global Initiative every year for the rest of his life.”
“Wow. Should I call him? I saw your husband’s kind words about me in Las Vegas on Monday, saying I’d be just as good as Obama on climate change.”
“I think he’d like that,” Hillary smiles. “He’s still boiling at Obama. And you don’t have to worry about my army of angry women. We’ve spread the word in the feminist underground — as opposed to that wacky Obama Weather Underground — that ‘catharsis’ is code for ‘No surrender.’ My gals know when I say ‘We may have started on two separate paths but we’re on one journey now’ that Skinny’s journey is to the nearest exit.”
“But Obama’s says he’s finally ready to hit back,” McCain says, frowning. “He’s starting a blistering TV campaign and attacking me for attacking his patriotism.”
“Now, John, you know that every time he tries to get tough, he quickly runs out of gas. Sometimes in debates, he’d be exhausted by the third question. He must use up all his energy in the gym. He doesn’t have any stamina, and he certainly doesn’t have our bloodlust. Besides, you can throw that Mark Penn stuff at him that I couldn’t use in a Democratic primary about how he’s not fundamentally American in his thinking and values. While he’s up on his high-minded pedestal, you’ll scoot past him in your Ferragamos.”
“How can I ever thank you, my friend?”
“You can announce that you won’t be running for re-election because you’d be 76, and you can pick somebody really lame to run with, like your pal Lieberman. That means one term for you, and two for me.”
“It’s a deal,” McCain says, sticking out his hand to shake on it. “That was inspired to snatch his convention away — makes him look so weak. Listen, why don’t you stop in Sedona on the way to Denver? Wear a black wig and I’ll spirit you up to the cabin for the night. I’ll catch a catfish in the mill pond and grill it for you. It will be an adventure.” There’s a knock on the door. Jesse Jackson sticks his head into the meeting.
“Is it over?” he asks his co-conspirators.
“Yes, he’s over,” they respond in unison.
Copyright 2008 The New York Times Company
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Walter Watts
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Re:Two Against The One
« Reply #1 on: 2008-08-22 00:21:44 » |
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Hillary Clinton's brother has met with a senior aide to John McCain, fuelling fears her associates are working against Barack Obama
Source: telegraph.co.uk
Author: Toby Harnden in Washington
Date: 21 Aug 2008
Tony Rodham, who held a fundraising event for Mrs Clinton in Pennsylvania when she was battling against Mr Obama in the Democratic primaries, met Carly Fiorina, Mr McCain's senior economic adviser, in the state.
Miss Fiorina was taking part in a two-day Pennsylvania bus tour designed to woo disenchanted Clinton supporters into the McCain camp. His wife Megan and their two children also attended the meeting at the home of Jamie Brazil, a long-time Clinton family friend.
News of the meeting, reported by the Scranton Times-Tribune, came as it emerged that Mrs Clinton would be deploying 40 supporters onto the floor of the Democratic convention next week to ensure that none of her supporters paid any disrespect to Mr Obama.
But Clinton aides said that the 40 would also be handing out signs hailing the former First Lady, ensuring that her impact on the convention would be even more visible. Mrs Clinton is due to speak on Tuesday with her husband former President Bill Clinton taking to the stage on Wednesday.
Mr Obama has agreed that a "roll call vote" will take place in which Mrs Clinton's delegates will be able to proclaim their support for her.
Although Mrs Clinton has declared her unwavering support for Mr Obama and campaigned for him in Florida this week, some Democrats fear she wants to undermine him.
In May, Mr Rodham was spotted in an Irish bar in Washington while the Democratic party rules committee met to decide on how delegates from Michigan and Florida should be allocated. He told a "Los Angeles Times" reporter her he was disgusted with the Democratic party's actions, which he viewed as favouring Mr Obama.
"If my sister doesn't end up with the nomination, I've got to take a look at who I'm going to vote for," he said.
Some at the Pennsylvania meeting seemed to hold out hope that Mrs Clinton could emerge as the party's nominee in what would amount to a coup at the Denver convention. Mrs Clinton, however, has insisted this cannot happen.
Kathleen Granahan Kane, who coordinated Mrs. Clinton's presidential campaign in north-east Pennsylvania and was at the meeting Mr Rodham attended told the Scranton Times-Tribune she might support Mr McCain. "I don't know," she said.
"I'm not sure. I'm trying to get as much information as I can on both of them. I would have loved to see her as president. We still have a week to go. You never know what's going to happen at the convention." She added that Mrs Clinton "would be a fantastic choice" for vice-president - a move Mr Obama appears to have ruled out.
Mr Rodham, 54, and his brother Hugh, 58, have been a frequent source of embarrassment to Mrs Clinton. In 1999, they entered into a $118 million deal to grow and export hazelnuts for the former Soviet republic of Georgia.
The US State Department complained when it emerged their business contact was a major opponent of Eduard Shevardnadze, then president of Georgia and a key American ally.
In 2001, it was revealed that Tony Rodham had helped obtain a presidential pardon the previous year for a Tennessee couple convicted of fraud. Mr Rodham admitted talking to then President Clinton about the matter but insisted that no money had changed hands, though he did have financial ties to the couple.
The same year, Mr Rodham was involved in an assault at the Rodham family cottage in Pennsylvania. A man who claimed he saw Mr Rodham making love to his girlfriend broke into the cottage and attacked him.
Mr Rodham was injured and later testified in court that he might have smoked marijuana with his assailant a few hours before the inciden
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