....alright, dont skin me alive for saying this, but i suspect i am in a relationship problem. this is about the only place i feel free to disclose such personal crap...the virian confessional chamber. here is the situation: laura(snoopy) is a very nice girl, very kind, caring, loving, gorgeous, affectionate, sexual(few b.j.'s but that's not too much of an oddity amongst women in this country), attentive, playful, trustworthy(a big quality let's admit)and devoted. she's 5'3" and 100 lbs...sounds like a perfect woman right? well how can i say this then without sounding like a bastard?...i have become increasingly aware of the fact that she and i have very different outlooks on life. both her parents were struggling immigrants who succeeded in raising 5 daughters in brooklyn NY...hats off to them for that...and they are still together after all these years. but as a result, i sometimes feel that she and i have very different takes on life in general. she seems to focus exclusively on immediate concerns and the nuts and bolts of living....to the extent that it is nearly impossible for me to have an interesting conversation with her...she is interested in talking about immediate issues...from important things like bills and such to other issues like, "that person knows this person, who knows this friend of my friend"...or "it's really warm out today"...or "this person said this about this person"...all of these unknowns being people or things which we arent connected with at all. i, on the other hand tend to live in the more dreamy side of life...i like to b.s. about politics, philosophy, interpretive analysis of history(recent and present) and any variety of 'what if' situations...all of which are likely useless in a real sense, but i love them. as a result, i am becoming increasingly bored of our combination...and i'm really not sure what to do. is this an insurmountable problem? if we could pick and choose the qualities in a mate that we would like to marry, i would pull about 80% of her...but the remaining 20% is a big one...intellectual compatibility. what does the virus engine think?
Well, you are faced with a two-tiered series of either-ors. The first either-or is either you can accept your relationship as it is and strive to find and make interesting conversation within her purview, or you can discuss your mutual problem - at your request, of course - and see if you can't convince her to try to become more abstractly reflective and less concrete for you. Even if she agrees to try, however, it may not be possible for her to do so to your cognitive/emotional satisfaction, especially if she lacks the intelligence and/or education to do so, in which case - and here the second either-or comes in - , you will have to decide whether to stick with her despite her shortcomings (because the rest is sufficient compensation for you), or whether it is best for both of you, for your mutual happiness, to part ways and search for a more personally compatible partner.
Re:virus: admission
« Reply #2 on: 2004-11-20 10:42:48 »
Hey Sebby,
I happen to agree with Joe Dees on this one.
You can't go through life thinking of the "what ifs". Life is to be explored, examined, and lived to it's fullest. Or, so it would seem to be my take on your life. If you feel like you're not doing all of those things, then I would suggest that you discuss this issue openly and honestly with Laura. Or, else you'll always be living in the "what if" realm of life. And, that is not nearly rewarding enough to maintain your happy coexistence with Laura.
In my own relationship experiences, I've learned that you cannot mold someone into the person you want. You have to let them lead the life they want. She cannot change you, nor can you change her to satisfy your long term goals, unless that person wants to change in the first place. That and every other form of change has to be something the person wants to execute. It can happen; adaptability can. But, it doesn't happen nearly as often we'd like.
Be honest with her and be honest with yourself, my friend.
Re:virus: admission
« Reply #4 on: 2004-11-20 13:09:42 »
[DrSebby] ....alright, dont skin me alive for saying this, but i suspect i am in a relationship problem. this is about the only place i feel free to disclose such personal crap...the virian confessional chamber. here is the situation: laura(snoopy) is a very nice girl, very kind, caring, loving, gorgeous, affectionate, sexual(few b.j.'s but that's not too much of an oddity amongst women in this country), attentive, playful, trustworthy(a big quality let's admit)and devoted. she's 5'3" and 100 lbs...sounds like a perfect woman right? well how can i say this then without sounding like a bastard?...i have become increasingly aware of the fact that she and i have very different outlooks on life.
[rhinoceros] I think you are breaking down the issue pretty well here. The first component, trust/care/affection etc plus sex/BJs etc, points at the base defining stuff of a relationship -- I mean, you couldn't call it a relationship without those, could you? Sometimes (depending on age, expectations etc) this also can be broken into the two separate parts, but I'll assume this does not apply in your case. So, we have the "necessary" part of being close, plus the fact that she happens to want to be with you. Necessary, but not necessarily sufficient, as you point out next.
[DrSebby] both her parents were struggling immigrants who succeeded in raising 5 daughters in brooklyn NY...hats off to them for that...and they are still together after all these years. but as a result, i sometimes feel that she and i have very different takes on life in general. she seems to focus exclusively on immediate concerns and the nuts and bolts of living....to the extent that it is nearly impossible for me to have an interesting conversation with her...she is interested in talking about immediate issues...from important things like bills and such to other issues like, "that person knows this person, who knows this friend of my friend"...or "it's really warm out today"...or "this person said this about this person"...all of these unknowns being people or things which we arent connected with at all.
[rhinoceros] Could be worse. How about talking about the materials lace-making bobbins are made of and demanding your attention and your opinion Talking about despicable stuff such as the bills can be a useful complementary trait, since it is necessary and you (same as me) don't seem to get over-excited over this. Now, talking about people you've never met or that you met but never really noticed... I don't know to what extend this happens in your case. Couldn't you take it as a meta-exercise on figuring out what attracts her interest and finding patterns in this? Also, could there be a problem similar to your own for her here? In this case she might need to seek solutions, same as you do. Hmm... what could these solutions be... let's see.
[DrSebby] i, on the other hand tend to live in the more dreamy side of life...i like to b.s. about politics, philosophy, interpretive analysis of history(recent and present) and any variety of 'what if' situations...all of which are likely useless in a real sense, but i love them. as a result, i am becoming increasingly bored of our combination...and i'm really not sure what to do. is this an insurmountable problem? if we could pick and choose the qualities in a mate that we would like to marry, i would pull about 80% of her...but the remaining 20% is a big one...intellectual compatibility. what does the virus engine think?
[rhinoceros] Here is what this cog of the engine thinks: I mentioned a first "necessary" component of the relationship at the beginning. Now, we come to the "sufficiency" component. In the old times women were often pushed to the background. What did the "intellectualy inclined" men do to cover this need? They used to join a club or something, or they found friends who shared their interests. The first component at home, the second component outside. Today we have the option to seek everything in a single package. One issue is the availability of a full package suitable for your needs. Do you have anyone specific in mind? Have you met one who seems to come close? Does she fall short in some other respects? Most importantly, does she care?
According to your way of life, what are your limitations in seeking the missing parts elsewhere in a daily basis? In short, I think that breaking up with Snoopy will not necessarily solve the problem of your discontent, and you'll have to check it in a way more specific to the issues. Except if you just want a change, of course, in which case all this does not matter.
If all else fails, I suggest that you pick one of these philosophical break-up lines:
Anti-Solipsist: There’s someone else. Behaviorist: I just can’t keep going through the motions anymore. Coherentist: This just isn’t hanging together anymore. Consequentialist: You should have lied to my mother about her pot roast! Deontologist: We aren’t right for each other. Empiricist: I think we should see other people. Functionalist: This isn’t working for me. Heracleitus: Things change. Hobbesian: Go away, you’re nasty, brutish, and short. Hofstadter: Go t’Hell, an’sure don’t come bach! (oooo, the pain of the corn Kant: Our love is too synthetic. Leibnizian: Our relationship was not well-founded. Lewisian Contextualist: You should never have asked "But do you REALLY love me?" Libertarian: Piss off. Marxist: You preach to me to distract me from the fact that you’re stealing from me. Ockham: You don’t shave. Pacifist: Why don’t we just be friends? Paternalist: In time you’ll come to see that this is the best thing. Quantum theorist: You’ll still be with me in so many worlds. Russellian: I know that you have been seeing an ambiguous man. Russellian 2: So you support the bolsheviks eh!! Sartre: Hell is other people - you, for instance. Tarskian: Since we stopped being intimate, I have been trying to satisfy my own needs. But you know, this is absurd. Teleologist: We aren’t meant for each other. Wittgensteinian: Don’t expect an answer. Zeno: I can’t get across to you. Zeno 2: No matter how close I try to get to you, you always seem so distant.
and
Fodor: Aunty says that I owe you an explanation, and I suppose she is right. For what it’s worth, here it is; I believe that I’ve been seeing someone else (in fact I know it, but no matter) and I believe that if you believed that I had been seeing someone else, you would not want to date me any longer. Further, my telling you that I believe that I have been seeing someone else will lead, ceterus paribus, to your coming to believe the same fact (if your hearing is reliable, and you’re paying attention). Which means that right about now you will believe that I am seeing someone else, and you will want to ditch me. But I don’t want to be ditched, and I believe the only way not to be ditched is to ditch you first. Hence you are ditched. (It’s an explanation, though perhaps not the one that Aunty had in mind. Then again explanations were all deductive nomological in Aunty’s day. If you were that traditional, I doubt we’d have dated in the first place.)
Re: virus: admission
« Reply #5 on: 2004-11-20 12:41:07 »
I'd say 80% is pretty good going. I'm saving up all my "whatif's" for running my own simulations at later date anyway.
On Sat, 2004-11-20 at 14:16 +0100, Dr Sebby wrote: > ....alright, dont skin me alive for saying this, but i suspect i am in a > relationship problem. this is about the only place i feel free to disclose > such personal crap...the virian confessional chamber. here is the > situation: laura(snoopy) is a very nice girl, very kind, caring, loving, > gorgeous, affectionate, sexual(few b.j.'s but that's not too much of an > oddity amongst women in this country), attentive, playful, trustworthy(a big > quality let's admit)and devoted. she's 5'3" and 100 lbs...sounds like a > perfect woman right? well how can i say this then without sounding like a > bastard?...i have become increasingly aware of the fact that she and i have > very different outlooks on life. both her parents were struggling > immigrants who succeeded in raising 5 daughters in brooklyn NY...hats off to > them for that...and they are still together after all these years. but as a > result, i sometimes feel that she and i have very different takes on life in > general. she seems to focus exclusively on immediate concerns and the nuts > and bolts of living....to the extent that it is nearly impossible for me to > have an interesting conversation with her...she is interested in talking > about immediate issues...from important things like bills and such to other > issues like, "that person knows this person, who knows this friend of my > friend"...or "it's really warm out today"...or "this person said this about > this person"...all of these unknowns being people or things which we arent > connected with at all. i, on the other hand tend to live in the more > dreamy side of life...i like to b.s. about politics, philosophy, > interpretive analysis of history(recent and present) and any variety of > 'what if' situations...all of which are likely useless in a real sense, but > i love them. as a result, i am becoming increasingly bored of our > combination...and i'm really not sure what to do. is this an insurmountable > problem? if we could pick and choose the qualities in a mate that we would > like to marry, i would pull about 80% of her...but the remaining 20% is a > big one...intellectual compatibility. what does the virus engine think? > > advice? > > > DrSebby. > "Courage...and shuffle the cards". > > > --- > To unsubscribe from the Virus list go to <http://www.lucifer.com/cgi-bin/virus-l> > >
RE: virus: admission
« Reply #6 on: 2004-11-20 16:29:02 »
My dear Sebby,
Here are some comments and questions that occurred to me as I read your Email. I will insert them below.
> [Original Message] > From: Dr Sebby <drsebby@hotmail.com> > To: <virus@lucifer.com> > Date: 11/20/2004 5:17:03 AM > Subject: virus: admission > > > ....alright, dont skin me alive for saying this, but i suspect i am in a > relationship problem.
You don't sound convinced. Is it a problem, or just a concern at this point?
> this is about the only place i feel free to disclose > such personal crap...the virian confessional chamber. here is the > situation: laura(snoopy) is a very nice girl, very kind, caring, loving, > gorgeous, affectionate, sexual(few b.j.'s but that's not too much of an > oddity amongst women in this country), attentive, playful, trustworthy(a big > quality let's admit)and devoted. she's 5'3" and 100 lbs...sounds like a > perfect woman right?
Do you need perfection?
> well how can i say this then without sounding like a > bastard?
Sebby, you are one of my favorite bastards, no matter what everyone else says about you
>...i have become increasingly aware of the fact that she and i have > very different outlooks on life. both her parents were struggling > immigrants who succeeded in raising 5 daughters in brooklyn NY...hats off to > them for that...and they are still together after all these years. but as a > result, i sometimes feel that she and i have very different takes on life in > general. she seems to focus exclusively on immediate concerns and the nuts > and bolts of living....to the extent that it is nearly impossible for me to > have an interesting conversation with her...she is interested in talking > about immediate issues...from important things like bills and such to other > issues like, "that person knows this person, who knows this friend of my > friend"...or "it's really warm out today"...or "this person said this about > this person"...all of these unknowns being people or things which we arent > connected with at all. i, on the other hand tend to live in the more > dreamy side of life...i like to b.s. about politics, philosophy, > interpretive analysis of history(recent and present) and any variety of > 'what if' situations...all of which are likely useless in a real sense, but > i love them. as a result, i am becoming increasingly bored of our > combination...and i'm really not sure what to do. is this an insurmountable > problem?
If it really is a problem, you can always look for a more desirable mate. There may be other solutions as well, but this one doesn't require either of you investing in any personal changes, only personnel changes.
> if we could pick and choose the qualities in a mate that we would > like to marry, i would pull about 80% of her...but the remaining 20% is a > big one...intellectual compatibility. what does the virus engine think?
Must this relationship be marriage oriented? If marriage ceases as a viable possibility must the relationship end? Is marriage a goal in your life (or hers) prior to this relationship?
> > advice? >
My standard advice for boredom: Experiment. Try something new.
Eric Aronesty suggested: >>My advice, Dr. Sebby is to take a class together. Maybe in philosophy? Or martial arts? Or improvisational comedy? The key is to choose something where you learn something that neither of you know, and something that neither of you are otherwise predisposed to. Make sure it's a class where you are called on to interact and cooperate with other people in some way. Not a “private instruction”.<<
That sounds like a good idea, although I think a major key of its goodness lies in including other people. Do you think that you might expect too much out of one person? This thought occurs to me whenever I hear people talking about "soulmates", which I see as just a more supernatural variation on the theme of "perfection". Surely one can mine the universe of religious and romantic literature for many other similarly counterproductive ideas, all of which converge into the same problem of encouraging us to have unrealistic expectations of our partners, especially ones that we intend to keep with for a long time. Long lasting relationships require social support. Perhaps she can't feel comfortable talking about your ideas alone -- too much conversational pressure, but would enjoy listening or lighter participation at a party or class where these ideas can more easily move through a comfortable conversational crowd.
I would love to hear how this works out. Thanks for sharing.
A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark. Woody Allen
"Advice is what people ask for when they already know the answer, but wish they didn't".
Oscar Wilde quotes.
"When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers".
"The truth is rarely pure and never simple".
"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live".
"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself".
"Sounds like time for some serious "courage...and shuffle the cards".... Maybe".
Bill MacKinnon
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years". --Abraham Lincoln
On Nov 20, 2004, at 8:16 AM, Dr Sebby wrote:
> > ....alright, dont skin me alive for saying this, but i suspect i am in > a relationship problem. this is about the only place i feel free to > disclose such personal crap...the virian confessional chamber. here > is the situation: laura(snoopy) is a very nice girl, very kind, > caring, loving, gorgeous, affectionate, sexual(few b.j.'s but that's > not too much of an oddity amongst women in this country), attentive, > playful, trustworthy(a big quality let's admit)and devoted. she's > 5'3" and 100 lbs...sounds like a perfect woman right? well how can i > say this then without sounding like a bastard?...i have become > increasingly aware of the fact that she and i have very different > outlooks on life. both her parents were struggling immigrants who > succeeded in raising 5 daughters in brooklyn NY...hats off to them for > that...and they are still together after all these years. but as a > result, i sometimes feel that she and i have very different takes on > life in general. she seems to focus exclusively on immediate concerns > and the nuts and bolts of living....to the extent that it is nearly > impossible for me to have an interesting conversation with her...she > is interested in talking about immediate issues...from important > things like bills and such to other issues like, "that person knows > this person, who knows this friend of my friend"...or "it's really > warm out today"...or "this person said this about this person"...all > of these unknowns being people or things which we arent connected with > at all. i, on the other hand tend to live in the more dreamy side of > life...i like to b.s. about politics, philosophy, interpretive > analysis of history(recent and present) and any variety of 'what if' > situations...all of which are likely useless in a real sense, but i > love them. as a result, i am becoming increasingly bored of our > combination...and i'm really not sure what to do. is this an > insurmountable problem? if we could pick and choose the qualities in > a mate that we would like to marry, i would pull about 80% of > her...but the remaining 20% is a big one...intellectual compatibility. > what does the virus engine think? > > advice? > > > DrSebby. > "Courage...and shuffle the cards". > > > --- > To unsubscribe from the Virus list go to > <http://www.lucifer.com/cgi-bin/virus-l> >
Just when I thought I was out-they pull me back in
Re: virus: admission
« Reply #9 on: 2004-11-21 18:06:56 »
Dr. Sebby: Hello! On this gorgous November day, WW wants me to give my Dr. Philis advice: I think Snoopy is very beautiful!!!!!!!!!!! Don't give up just because of the missing 20%- WW and I have lots of days it is <40%!ha I does give you something to work toward and 80% is really something in such a short time! It has taken us 30 years to get to 75% and still working! The BJ's come and go...ha and just ask for more it couldn't hurt! Keep up the work!
Cecelia
WW's special purpose
Bill MacKinnon wrote:
> A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to > constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our > hands is a dead shark. > Woody Allen > > "Advice is what people ask for when they already know the answer, but > wish they didn't". > > Oscar Wilde quotes. > > "When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers". > > "The truth is rarely pure and never simple". > > "Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others > to live as one wishes to live". > > "The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any > use to oneself". > > > "Sounds like time for some serious "courage...and shuffle the > cards".... Maybe". > > Bill MacKinnon > > "And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the > life in your years". > --Abraham Lincoln > > > On Nov 20, 2004, at 8:16 AM, Dr Sebby wrote: > > > ....alright, dont skin me alive for saying this, but i suspect i > am in a relationship problem. this is about the only place i feel > free to disclose such personal crap...the virian confessional > chamber. here is the situation: laura(snoopy) is a very nice girl, > very kind, caring, loving, gorgeous, affectionate, sexual(few > b.j.'s but that's not too much of an oddity amongst women in this > country), attentive, playful, trustworthy(a big quality let's > admit)and devoted. she's 5'3" and 100 lbs...sounds like a perfect > woman right? well how can i say this then without sounding like a > bastard?...i have become increasingly aware of the fact that she > and i have very different outlooks on life. both her parents were > struggling immigrants who succeeded in raising 5 daughters in > brooklyn NY...hats off to them for that...and they are still > together after all these years. but as a result, i sometimes feel > that she and i have very different takes on life in general. she > seems to focus exclusively on immediate concerns and the nuts and > bolts of living....to the extent that it is nearly impossible for > me to have an interesting conversation with her...she is > interested in talking about immediate issues...from important > things like bills and such to other issues like, "that person > knows this person, who knows this friend of my friend"...or "it's > really warm out today"...or "this person said this about this > person"...all of these unknowns being people or things which we > arent connected with at all. i, on the other hand tend to live in > the more dreamy side of life...i like to b.s. about politics, > philosophy, interpretive analysis of history(recent and present) > and any variety of 'what if' situations...all of which are likely > useless in a real sense, but i love them. as a result, i am > becoming increasingly bored of our combination...and i'm really > not sure what to do. is this an insurmountable problem? if we > could pick and choose the qualities in a mate that we would like > to marry, i would pull about 80% of her...but the remaining 20% is > a big one...intellectual compatibility. what does the virus engine > think? > > advice? > > > DrSebby. > "Courage...and shuffle the cards". > > > --- > To unsubscribe from the Virus list go to > <http://www.lucifer.com/cgi-bin/virus-l> >
--
Walter Watts Tulsa Network Solutions, Inc.
"Pursue the small utopias... nature, music, friendship, love" --Kupferberg--
RE: virus: admission
« Reply #11 on: 2004-12-08 21:45:31 »
...i swore to myself i would speak no more of this today...but Jakey's mention of marriage brought up an important issue. women have that whole bio-clock thing to worry about in a big way and men do not. from a female's standpoint i could imagine a few very salient points:
1. i want to have a baby one day 2. few people would actually prefer to have and raise a child on their own 3. marriage is well suited to accomplish both 1 and 2 4. men can be superficial beauty oriented creatures 5. tight asses, perky breasts, and flat tummys are considered the exception after 35 6. the last good pregnancy time is in mid/early 30's 7. men have virtually no time limit
so taking these things into consideration i will generalize and suggest the following:
1. no one prefers to find their mate just as they are starting their way down the slippery downslope of beauty and physical attractiveness. 2. so a common popular time for women to marry is around 28...when they are still hot enough to take their pick from all their would-be suitors...still have a few years of fun and responsibility free youth, and then have babies at a comfy 30 something age.
so jake, to answer your query...no...every relationship does not have to be about marriage, for ME. but i can imagine that at snoopy's age of 28, it's her prime time for preparing for final descent. and if i decide a couple years later that i dont want to be the airport, after keeping her in a holding pattern for too long, she may not have enough fuel to make it to an alternate airport of her choice. she may be forced to make an emergency landing on some appalachian dirt road outside of a trailer park. do i know the answer to this question? i'm not sure...but maybe that is enough to suggest that i therefore shouldnt be keeping her in a holding pattern with all her passengers at risk and fuel still sufficient to head to another airport that would guarantee her a safe and certain landing pattern. how much longer can i be uncertain before i am violating her needs? that is the question.
Here are some comments and questions that occurred to me as I read your Email. I will insert them below.
> [Original Message] > From: Dr Sebby <drsebby@hotmail.com> > To: <virus@lucifer.com> > Date: 11/20/2004 5:17:03 AM > Subject: virus: admission > > > ....alright, dont skin me alive for saying this, but i suspect i am in a > relationship problem.
You don't sound convinced. Is it a problem, or just a concern at this point?
> this is about the only place i feel free to disclose > such personal crap...the virian confessional chamber. here is the > situation: laura(snoopy) is a very nice girl, very kind, caring, loving, > gorgeous, affectionate, sexual(few b.j.'s but that's not too much of an > oddity amongst women in this country), attentive, playful, trustworthy(a big > quality let's admit)and devoted. she's 5'3" and 100 lbs...sounds like a > perfect woman right?
Do you need perfection?
> well how can i say this then without sounding like a > bastard?
Sebby, you are one of my favorite bastards, no matter what everyone else says about you
>...i have become increasingly aware of the fact that she and i have > very different outlooks on life. both her parents were struggling > immigrants who succeeded in raising 5 daughters in brooklyn NY...hats off to > them for that...and they are still together after all these years. but as a > result, i sometimes feel that she and i have very different takes on life in > general. she seems to focus exclusively on immediate concerns and the nuts > and bolts of living....to the extent that it is nearly impossible for me to > have an interesting conversation with her...she is interested in talking > about immediate issues...from important things like bills and such to other > issues like, "that person knows this person, who knows this friend of my > friend"...or "it's really warm out today"...or "this person said this about > this person"...all of these unknowns being people or things which we arent > connected with at all. i, on the other hand tend to live in the more > dreamy side of life...i like to b.s. about politics, philosophy, > interpretive analysis of history(recent and present) and any variety of > 'what if' situations...all of which are likely useless in a real sense, but > i love them. as a result, i am becoming increasingly bored of our > combination...and i'm really not sure what to do. is this an insurmountable > problem?
If it really is a problem, you can always look for a more desirable mate. There may be other solutions as well, but this one doesn't require either of you investing in any personal changes, only personnel changes.
> if we could pick and choose the qualities in a mate that we would > like to marry, i would pull about 80% of her...but the remaining 20% is a > big one...intellectual compatibility. what does the virus engine think?
Must this relationship be marriage oriented? If marriage ceases as a viable possibility must the relationship end? Is marriage a goal in your life (or hers) prior to this relationship?
> > advice? >
My standard advice for boredom: Experiment. Try something new.
Eric Aronesty suggested: >>My advice, Dr. Sebby is to take a class together. Maybe in philosophy? Or martial arts? Or improvisational comedy? The key is to choose something where you learn something that neither of you know, and something that neither of you are otherwise predisposed to. Make sure it's a class where you are called on to interact and cooperate with other people in some way. Not a “private instruction”.<<
That sounds like a good idea, although I think a major key of its goodness lies in including other people. Do you think that you might expect too much out of one person? This thought occurs to me whenever I hear people talking about "soulmates", which I see as just a more supernatural variation on the theme of "perfection". Surely one can mine the universe of religious and romantic literature for many other similarly counterproductive ideas, all of which converge into the same problem of encouraging us to have unrealistic expectations of our partners, especially ones that we intend to keep with for a long time. Long lasting relationships require social support. Perhaps she can't feel comfortable talking about your ideas alone -- too much conversational pressure, but would enjoy listening or lighter participation at a party or class where these ideas can more easily move through a comfortable conversational crowd.
I would love to hear how this works out. Thanks for sharing.
Re: virus: admission
« Reply #12 on: 2004-12-09 19:38:42 »
: ...i swore to myself i would speak : no more of this today...but Jakey's : mention of marriage brought up : an important issue. women have : that whole bio-clock thing to : worry about in a big way and men : do not. from a female's
If you're interested in maximizing the quantity of offspring, you need to start when you're young. But is there some loss of quality when doing so? --- To unsubscribe from the Virus list go to <http://www.lucifer.com/cgi-bin/virus-l>
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