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billroh@churchofvirus.com
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virus: 'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
« on: 2003-04-17 17:21:31 »		 Reply with quote
  I found this at Slashdot. It's been around a little while, but I was
not sure if we have posted it. The link is included in the event the
text does not come out right.

http://tv.yahoo.com/news/wwn/20030319/104808600007.html
All Weekly World News Stories <http://tv.yahoo.com/news/wwntv/>

------------------------------------------------------------------------
More from Weekly World News
• Feature from the WWN <http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/news/index.cfm>
• WWN WebGuide <http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/web_guide.cfm>
• Subscribe to the WWN <http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/wwn/newsstand.cfm>

'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
Wednesday March 19, 2003


By CHAD KULTGEN

NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street
wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a
time-traveler from the year 2256!

Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old
Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success
in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.

"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a
pathological liar," says an SEC insider.

"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks'
time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made
capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be
pure luck.

"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information.
He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to
give up his sources."

The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying
in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades
and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall
Street watchdogs.

"If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough
that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in
advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing
investigation.

When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more
than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.

Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years
in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one
of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge
of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a
fortune.

"It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his
videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know,
lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just
got caught in the moment."

In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge
"historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure
for AIDS.

All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft."

However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how
it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the
wrong hands."

Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus.
Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew
Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."

Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep
watching for further developments.

--
Reason - Vision - Empathy
Tools for a healthy mind

Bill Roh


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Re: virus: 'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
« Reply #1 on: 2003-04-18 07:55:27 »		 Reply with quote
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Re:virus: 'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
« Reply #2 on: 2003-04-19 15:11:12 »		 Reply with quote
Source: http://www.snopes.com
Authors: Barbara and David P. Mikkelson
Additional Info: Anyone Can Be Fooler of the World, (Edinburgh Evening News)
Dated: 2003-04-03

Origins:  All one need know about this article is that it originated with the Weekly World News, an entertainment tabloid devoted to inventing fantastically fictitious stories while keeping its tongue firmly embedded in its cheek to a depth not measurable by any instrument known to man. Unfortunately, Yahoo!, a primary news source for many people on the Internet, reprints some Weekly World News articles in their TV News section under a heading of "Entertainment News & Gossip," a title that doesn't convey a strong "bogus" warning to readers who don't notice the original source is the Weekly World News (or don't know what the Weekly World News is).

Despite this item's tabloid origins (and the fact that it was covered nowhere but in the Weekly World News), it has showed up in a variety of magazines and newspapers, reprinted verbatim as a "real" news item -- to the amusement and consternation of FBI and U.S. Security and Exchange Commission officials, who have been flooded with a rash of inquiries from journalists seeking confirmation for a bit of fiction:

    The spokesman at the US Security and Exchange Commission in Washington gives a weary sigh and then a slightly strained chuckle when he hears the words "time traveller" and "inside trader".

    "This story is pure fantasy. There is no truth in it at all," he says. "This is the kind of story that belongs in the same file as 'Elvis Shrine Found on Mars.'

    "You know something? We have had an enormous number of calls from the media on this one. It has been absolutely amazing. Of course, we had to look into it, but as far as we know, it’s just not true."

As if this tale weren't already implausible enough on its face, the Edinburgh Evening News wryly noted:

    "Even a non-time traveller could have told him that profiting from 126 consecutive high-risk trades over two weeks was sure to get him noticed," commented the Guardian.

    A handful of others pointed out that any time traveller with half a brain would not bother popping back to 2003, just when the stock market is in free fall and anyone who actually makes any money at all would stick out like a 25-ft. tall green alien with two heads.
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billroh@churchofvirus.com
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Re: virus: 'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
« Reply #3 on: 2003-04-21 14:48:40 »		 Reply with quote
Obviously, the time travellers from the future are interfering -
protecting their technology from us primitives. It looks to me like they
have infiltrated the SEC, the FBI and the Edinburgh Evening News. Look,
you didn't even provide a name for the SEC spokesman! Maybe this
"spokesman" is an automaton from the future trying to throw us off the
trail. If slashdot linked to it, it must be true. Those geeks NEVER make
mistakes!

oh, it's a silly, silly story.

Bill Rpj

Hermit wrote:

>Source: http://www.snopes.com (http://www.snopes.com/humor/iftrue/insider.htm)
>Authors: Barbara and David P. Mikkelson
>Additional Info: Anyone Can Be Fooler of the World, (Edinburgh Evening News) (http://www.edinburghnews.com/capitalcity.cfm?id=395492003)
>Dated: 2003-04-03
>
>Origins:  All one need know about this article is that it originated with the Weekly World News, an entertainment tabloid devoted to inventing fantastically fictitious stories while keeping its tongue firmly embedded in its cheek to a depth not measurable by any instrument known to man. Unfortunately, Yahoo!, a primary news source for many people on the Internet, reprints some Weekly World News articles in their TV News section under a heading of "Entertainment News & Gossip," a title that doesn't convey a strong "bogus" warning to readers who don't notice the original source is the Weekly World News (or don't know what the Weekly World News is).
>
>Despite this item's tabloid origins (and the fact that it was covered nowhere but in the Weekly World News), it has showed up in a variety of magazines and newspapers, reprinted verbatim as a "real" news item -- to the amusement and consternation of FBI and U.S. Security and Exchange Commission officials, who have been flooded with a rash of inquiries from journalists seeking confirmation for a bit of fiction:
>
>    The spokesman at the US Security and Exchange Commission in Washington gives a weary sigh and then a slightly strained chuckle when he hears the words "time traveller" and "inside trader".
>
>    "This story is pure fantasy. There is no truth in it at all," he says. "This is the kind of story that belongs in the same file as 'Elvis Shrine Found on Mars.'
>
>    "You know something? We have had an enormous number of calls from the media on this one. It has been absolutely amazing. Of course, we had to look into it, but as far as we know, its just not true."
>
>As if this tale weren't already implausible enough on its face, the Edinburgh Evening News wryly noted:
>
>    "Even a non-time traveller could have told him that profiting from 126 consecutive high-risk trades over two weeks was sure to get him noticed," commented the Guardian.
>
>    A handful of others pointed out that any time traveller with half a brain would not bother popping back to 2003, just when the stock market is in free fall and anyone who actually makes any money at all would stick out like a 25-ft. tall green alien with two heads.
>
>
>----
>This message was posted by Hermit to the Virus 2003 board on Church of Virus BBS.
><http://virus.lucifer.com/bbs/index.php?board=54;action=display;threadid=28260>
>---
>To unsubscribe from the Virus list go to <http://www.lucifer.com/cgi-bin/virus-l>
>
> 
>

--
Reason - Vision - Empathy
Tools for a healthy mind

Bill Roh



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RE: virus: 'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
« Reply #4 on: 2003-04-22 04:45:47 »		 Reply with quote
Snopes has this as a hoax for precisely that reason.=20


  _____ =20

From: owner-virus@lucifer.com [mailto:owner-virus@lucifer.com] On Behalf =
Of
Ouri M
Sent: 18 April 2003 12:55
To: virus@lucifer.com



Methinks this is almost certainly a scam - I mean, it is from the Weekly
World News.=20


Bill Roh <billroh@churchofvirus.com> wrote:=20


I found this at Slashdot. It's been around a little while, but I was=20
not sure if we have posted it. The link is included in the event the=20
text does not come out right.

http://tv.yahoo.com/news/wwn/20030319/104808600007.html
All Weekly World News Stories=20

------------------------------------------------------------------------
More from Weekly World News
=95 Feature from the WWN=20
=95 WWN WebGuide=20
=95 Subscribe to the WWN=20

'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
Wednesday March 19, 2003


By CHAD KULTGEN

NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street =

wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a=20
t! ime-traveler from the year 2256!

Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old =

Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success=20
in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.

"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a=20
pathological liar," says an SEC insider.

"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' =

time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made =

capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be=20
pure luck.

"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information.=20
He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to=20
give up his sources."

The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying =

in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades=20
and came out the winner every! time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall=20
Street watchdogs.

"If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough =

that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in=20
advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing=20
investigation.

When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more=20
than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.

Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years=20
in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one=20
of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge=20
of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a=20
fortune.

"It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his=20
videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, =

lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just =
got
caught in the moment."

In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge=20
"historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure =

for AIDS.

All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time =
craft."

However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how =

it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the=20
wrong hands."

Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus.=20
Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew=20
Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."

Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep =

watching for further developments.

--=20
Reason - Vision - Empathy
Tools for a healthy mind

Bill Roh


---
To unsubscribe from the Virus list go to=20




  _____ =20

! Do You Yahoo!? -- Une adresse @yahoo.fr gratuite et en fran=E7ais !
Testez le nouveau Yahoo! Mail <http://fr.mail.yahoo.com>=20


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