Muslim Martyrs Complain About Quality of Virgins in
Paradise 1/4/2003 - William Grim
Mecca - Muslim leaders from around the world hastily assembled today
in the most holy city of Islam for an emergency meeting to discuss
alarming reports that not all is well in Paradise.
"It appears that some of our young martyrs are displeased with the
virgins they have received in Paradise," said Sheik Ali bin Farabi,
Chairman of the influential Committee to Get Morons to Blow
Themselves Up and Kill Infidels. "You see, Islam is a religion of love,
and is based upon getting young people to strap sticks of dynamite to
their bodies and go into malls and discos so that they may kill many,
many innocent infidels. This is the will of Allah. Of course, most young
Muslims these days are corrupted by the vile Western world with its
indoor plumbing and Red Fusion Dr. Pepper, and so we must promise
72 virgins to any young person who fulfills the loving message of Islam
by blowing up infidels."
This reporter was able to interview several martyrs in Paradise where
morale levels as of late have become dangerously low. "I was robbed,"
said "Mohammed," a 15-year old martyr from Hebron. "Man, if I had
known that all my 72 virgins were going to be Arab girls, I'd have never
put on that vest filled with 12 pounds of plastique and blown myself up
in that crowded daycare center. Geesh, those Arab girls have bigger
mustaches than Sam Elliott's. Say what you will about the accursed
Zionist chicks, but at least they're hot."
Some martyrs are even questioning the bona fides of their virgins.
"Yeah, I was like, so shocked, when I saw that Halima was one of my
virgins," said "Ali," a 16-year old martyr from the Golan Heights. "She
may technically be a 'virgin," but she's a slut, that's for sure. Heck, I saw
her give a hand job to Binky bin Laden in 8th grade during Weapons
Class. And everybody says she went all-the-way with Joey al Haqa ibn
Mashari last year during Ramadan."
Several martyrs have gone so far as to hire lawyers and are looking into
the possibility of posthumously converting to Christianity. The majority,
however, describe themselves as "majorly bummed," and have decided
to stick with camels.
    Egyptian Satirist Playwright Ali Salem: 'I want to start a
    kindergarten for extremism
In a satiric article published in the London daily Al-Hayat,
Egyptian playwright Ali Salem mocked the Arab media's
incitement to extremism. Salem sarcastically suggested opening a
kindergarten to teach terrorist values. Following are excerpts
from the article which was titled "A new curriculum of extremism
for children."
"I am looking for sponsors for the establishment of a modern
kindergarten for extremism, for children under four (because after
age five, you cannot teach a person anything new). Thus, I would
guarantee that when they reach high school and university, these
children will remain extremists; no creature nor any scientific
curriculum could undermine their extremism, or tame them. We
will make the clever ones our journalists and intellectuals, our
editors-in-chief, our radio broadcasters, and our officials in all
areas of life."
"Give me your children, and I promise you that they will become
bona fide extremists. I swear to you that any of them who show
genius in his extremism will join the Supreme Academy of
Terrorism, even if his terrorism ranking does not qualify him; it is
enough that he is sincere in his desire, has a gift for terrorism, or
is a terrorist by nature."
"I will say to them: 'Kids, don't believe that others worship the
same god as we; they are infidels who worship other deities. You
must always think of ways to force them to worship whom we
worship “ the others are foreigners, and foreigners are infidels.
The task for which I am preparing you is to purge the world of
them.'"
"This is your holy message: 'Don't believe the story that they stick
to about freedom, democracy, human rights, progress, and
civilization; they are liars and deceivers. They hate us because we
are better, greater, and stronger than they.'"
"You will easily notice that they love life, and that is the weak
point that we will exploit. We, in contrast, love death and protect
it. Do not believe that Allah created life for us to live, build, and
enjoy. [No,] Allah created us to test our ability to rebel against
life, to despise it, and to get rid of it at the earliest opportunity.
Each and every one of you must seek out your first chance to die “
but you must not die for free. You must take with you as many of
the infidels as possible, and send them to Hell. You must know,
dear children, that our martyrs gain entry to Paradise, while their
dead are [sentenced] to the fires of Hell. These idiots do not
believe in Paradise, in the fires of Hell, or in the Day of Judgment,
and the proof is that they insist on turning the world into Paradise
[on Earth], in which they enjoy everything."
"Any wise observer can discern how [the infidels] each day, each
hour, even each moment, invent ways to turn human life into
Paradise on Earth. If they truly believed in Allah or in his
prophets, they would make sure that their people lived like the
Afghan people, and they would rule their countries as does the
great Mullah, Muhammad Omar [head of the Taliban]. In every
generation, children, there appear two great men named [Omar].
In our generation, they are Mullah Muhammad Omar and
[Sheikh] Omar Abd Al-Rahman [blind Egyptian sheikh convicted
after WTC bombing in 1993]; the only time an Omar appeared
within the infidels' [ranks], it was Omar Sherif [the actor]!"
"Do you really believe that they are fighting the Taliban in
revenge for what befell them? To avenge their casualties? Of
course not. They want to take over the oil of Caspian Sea. They
have already taken over the Arabs' oil and had to put on this show
in order to obtain the oil of the Caspian Sea. Repeat after me:
'Death to America, death to the West! Death to us, and may life be
the lot of the abject cowards.'"
"You know, children, or you may have heard, that there is a
country called Indonesia, that is the largest Muslim country in the
world. Don't believe it. The proof is that they allow a woman to
rule them¦ Look at what this woman has done: She was the first
to run to America to declare that her country stands by them. I
recommend to you, children, to despise women. You should fear
them, because Satan's role is to seduce people. By necessity, we
allow women to live, but only to bear children."
"Dear children: 'Hate the beaches. Hate the flowers and the roses.
Hate the wheat fields. Hate the trees. Hate music. Hate all manner
of artistic, literary, or scientific endeavor. Hate tenderness. Hate
reason and intellect. Hate your families and your countrymen.
Hate others “ all others. Hate yourselves. Hate your teachers. Hate
me. Hate this school. Hate life and everything in it.'"
"Go on, get to class."[1]
[1] Al-Hayat (London), November 5, 2001.
---
To unsubscribe from the Virus list go to <http://www.lucifer.com/cgi-bin/virus-l>