TO: International Committee for Peace and Justice, International Committee for Justice and Peace, and the rest of you
FROM: The Committee
Unfortunately since the last memo, the war has gone much worse than we had hoped. The allies war-mongering imperialists have captured Baghdad, Iraqis are cheering in the street, and the United Nations has been discredited. The heat will be on from the press, but also possibly from the pro-war crowd Bush brown-shirts. Yet there are still many skillful ways to answer the inevitable questions. Below are suggested responses.
Question: Do you feel foolish about predicting a quagmire?
Response: Well, there is still the occupation of Iraq, which will be difficult, not to mention the anger the rest of the world feels toward us. It will inspire countless acts of terrorism against the U.S.
Question: Do the cheering Iraqis make you think that what America did was a good thing?
Response: They won’t be cheering for long once they experience globalization. When U.S. multinational corporations move in to exploit them, when they realize that the U.S. will steal their oil, they will understand what this so-called “war of liberation” was really about.
(Whenever possible use an oil reference. Also bring in the globalization angle often. This will animate our rank-and-file (all 16%) and help us raise travel funds for the next WTO meeting. For example, see next question/response.)
Question: What about the children released from the Iraqi prison?
Response: A pure tragedy. Soon-to-be Nike sweatshop workers.
Question: But what if that doesn’t happen? What if the Iraqis really are better off after the war?
Response: The Iraqis aren’t better off because of the civilian casualties. When Iraqis realize the human cost of this war, of the many civilian casualties, they will feel far less gratitude toward the U.S.
(This last question/response is subject to review. It might backfire if speaking to FoxNews the Corporate Conglomerate Media Bush-Ailes Complex. Those folks might actually point out that civilian casualties are far fewer in this war than in others, and it is far less than those who perished under Saddam. Or, worse, they may make us look really bad by noting that the casualties are far fewer than the 250,000 we predicted. So be careful. With other media outlets, feel free to mention civilian casualties as much as you want.)
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