http://www.satirewire.com/news/june02/worldcom.shtml
SUPREME COURT RULES EARNINGS
SHOULD BE PROTECTED AS "ART"
Recognition of Pro-Formalist Movement Gets WorldCom, Andersen Off Hook
Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) -- In a surprise decision that exonerates
dozens of major companies, the U.S. Supreme Court today ruled that corporate
earnings statements should be protected as works of art, as they "create
something from nothing."
[The WorldCom exhibit at MoMA]
Installing the WorldCom exhibit at MOMA
"One plus one is two. That is math. That is science. But as we have seen,
earnings and revenues are abstract and original concepts, ideas not bound by
physical constraints or coarse realities, and must therefore be considered
art," the Court wrote in its 7-2 decision.
The impact of the ruling was widespread. Investigations into hundreds of
firms were cancelled, and collectors began snatching up original balance
sheets, audits, and P&L statements from WorldCom, Enron, and Global Crossing.
Meanwhile, auditing firms such as Arthur Andersen (now Art by Andersen) were
reclassified as art critics, whose opinions are no longer liable.
"Before we had to go in and decide, 'Is it right, or is it wrong?'" said KPMG
spokesman Dan Fischer. "Now we must only decide, 'Is it art?'"
In Congress, all further hearings into irregularities were abandoned in favor
of an abstract accounting lecture given by Scott Sullivan, former Chief
Financial Artist of WorldCom, which had been charged with fraud for
improperly accounting for $3.85 billion.
"Art should reflect life, so what I was really trying to accomplish with this
third quarter report was acknowledge that life is an illusion," said
Sullivan, explaining his acclaimed work, "10Q for the Period Ending 9/30/01."
U.S. Rep. Billy Tauzin of Louisiana, however, was forced to apologize,
admitting he could only see a lie.
"Yes, well, a man with a concretized view of the world may only be able to
see numbers that 'Don't add up,'" said a haughty Sullivan. "But someone whose
perceptions are not always chained to reality -- a stock analyst, say -- may
see numbers that, like the human spirit, aspire to be greater than they are."
Several Sullivan pieces are now part of a new show at New York's Museum of
Modern Art entitled, "Shadows & Spreadsheets: The Origins of Pro-Formalism."
Robert Weidlin, an SEC investigator and avid collector, was among the first
to peruse the Enron exhibit, which takes up an entire wing of the museum "You
look at these works, and you say 'Is this a profit, or a loss? Is this firm a
subsidiary, or a holding company?'" said Walden. "I have stood in front of
this one balance sheet for hours, and each moment I come away with something
different."
Like other patrons, Weidlin said he didn't know whether to be impressed or
outraged, a reaction that pleased Andrew Fastow, the former Enron CFA who is
a leading proponent of the Trompe L'Shareholder style.
[Buy SatireWire's new book!]
"An artist should not be afraid to be shocking," said Fastow. "As did the
Modernists, we should fearlessly depart from tradition and embrace the use of
innovative forms of expression. Like, say, 'Special Purpose Entities' and
'Pooling of Interests.'"
Sullivan, meanwhile, said he was influenced by the Flemish Masters,
particularly Lernout & Hauspie, the Belgian speech recognition software
company that collapsed last year after an audit discovered the firm had
cooked its books in 1998, 1999, and 2000.
"Lernout & Hauspie simply invented sales figures, just willed them out of
thin air and onto the paper," he said. "Me? I must live with a spreadsheet a
long time before I begin to work it. You must be patient and wait until the
numbers reveal themselves to you."
And what about the reaction to his work? "I realize people are angry, people
are hurt. But I cannot concern myself with that," he said. "As with all true
artists, I don't expect to be understood during my lifetime."
(The MOMA exhibit runs through Sept. 3. Admission is $8, excluding a one-time
write down
-- === Mark 'Nurgle' Collins http://www.thisisnurgle.org.uk Stupid IRC quote of the <variable time period>: <phoenix> insider, you'll have to excuse nurgle, he's the epitamy of evil
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