To those extremists that perpetrated this crime against our nation,
I have a warning for you. There are those of us who look at your
actions as irrational, twisted, and completely inhuman. By all
measures, what you have done can only be seen as insane. I have
news for you. We're more nuts than you, and it should scare you
s***less.
You may think that when you die for your cause, you go to
Paradise with 72 virgins, can leave reservations for 70 members of
your family, all your sins are forgiven, and you sit at the side of
Allah. Big deal. We had 39 guys who rented a Beverly Hills
mansion, cut off their nuts, built a web site, and proceeded to
poison themselves to death to hitch a ride with aliens out on the
Hale-Bopp comet.
You shoot guns into the sky to celebrate victories over enemies,
and people are killed by the bullets raining down on them. We not
only do this for New Year's Eve in some cities, but we burn
houses down, tear up streets, loot and sack our stores, and beat
ourselves senseless when our sports teams win championships.
Sports teams! We made a sequel to Police Academy 5. We gave
an award for singing to two guys who never even sang. We put
little sweaters on dogs. We shot John Lennon six times and didn't
even aim for Yoko Ono. We think Elvis is still alive. We put
Braille on drive-up automatic teller machines. We think that a
simple button on a web site that says "Do not click if you're under
21" will do anything but cause a person under 21 to click on it.
We take a large chunk of the island on which those buildings you
destroyed sat and pretend that it isn't a part of our country after all,
let people fly into our airports that we want to kill, drive them in
limousines to speak against us on this "pretend territory" land, let
them drive back to our airport, and then let them fly back home
without a scratch. We sell hot dogs in packages of ten and the
buns in packages of eight. We can't even decide if pitchers should
have to bat for themselves or not. All those baseball fields we've
got. And none of them are even remotely the same size.
We gave millions of dollars to a guy that told us that God was
going to kill him if he didn't raise enough money. When he didn't
get enough money, he didn't die. So we gave him more money in
celebration of the fact that God didn't make him die. We've
managed to keep the formulas for Coca-Cola and Kentucky Fried
Chicken secret for decades, we encrypt the most banal
communications on our Information Superhighway, and yet we
given away our most important nuclear secrets to the Chinese and
Russians at the drop of a hat. And yet, with all this on the A-1
Psycho balance sheet, you still think that if you're more nuts than
us that this won't result in your complete and utter annihilation?
One way or another, your way of life will be over, period.
Freedom's kind of a crazy, kooky, nutty thing when you look
really close at it and all the bizarre and loony things that can result
from it, but it's better than any other ideas anybody else has come
up with. It's been that way since 1776, and built to last no matter
how insanely we try to screw it up on a daily basis. We are even
nuts and ruthless enough as a nation to start insanely tearing at
those of ourselves that even remotely resemble you in such
rancorous, deplorable, and angry ways that it will make you
wonder if Allah has enough glue to piece enough of you back
together for a flesh paperweight in Paradise.
We may not know where you are now, but when we do I
guarantee you that the majority of our high school children will
still have no idea where on the globe where you are or where you
will end up being buried. But we will send them anyway, and we
will allow those of them that went into the armed services because
they didn't manage to get into college to *still* rain down Hell and
fire on your worthless hides. It will all come down on you,
because we're nuts enough to give all four of our branches of the
military service extremely powerful and deadly aircraft even
though only one of them is actually called the Air Force. Picking a
fight with the most insane nation on Earth with the hope that your
message and influence will spread throughout the world, well,
that's just downright stupid.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b30 : Sun Sep 22 2002 - 05:06:19 MDT