> I ran into a similar phenomenon recently myself. My SO and I were
> unpacking a truckload of my stuff, and I started carting things up the
> stairs as he brought them in the house. Next thing I knew, he was barking
> irritably at me about wanting to get on the road and why wasn't I out
> there helping get things out of the car? It startled me, since I hadn't
> realized he was getting frustrated. We talked about it later, and he said
> that a combination of factors contributed (including mud, the
> unhelpfulness of my housemates, and being on a timetable he hadn't told me
> about), but the clincher was that he didn't manage to communicate his
> rising frustration to me, until it reached the threshold at which he
> snapped at me. He said that when he starts to get into that grumpy,
> frustrated state, he becomes less capable of communicating, including
> becoming unable to articulate that he's frustrated, short of snapping. A
> sort of Catch-22, in that communicating the frustration before it reaches
> a peak is generally what one needs to do in order to do something about
> relieving it.
>
> Keep talking. It's easier to hear you then.
>
> --Eva
Eva I could not agree with you more. I think this is probably the one of the
most important things I have learned from my previous relationships. For some
genetic/social/memetic reason I often find that when I am most irritated I feel
least like talking about it. I've gotten a lot better (although it can be hard),
and my current relationship is much stronger.
-Paul Prestopnik