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Blunderov
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RE: virus: HST sports archive
« on: 2005-07-03 17:27:26 » |
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[Blunderov] I accidentally found some of HST's sports pieces whilst
googling the string "horrible news for Bush". Hope springs eternal. I
liked this one.
Best Regards.
http://sports.espn.go.com/page2/s/thompson/030421.html
The tragedy of naked bowling
By Hunter S. Thompson
Page 2 columnist
"Yo, little Suzie -- how's about me and you hookin' up for some naked
bowling tonight?"
"Say WHAT? Get out of my face!"
Naked Bowling was once a sinister sport in America, but today it is
making a strong comeback, very strong. Nobody except Waterheads will
deny that the recent craze for bowling naked in public makes it one of
the fastest growing sports in the free world.
Wonderful. It came in the nick of time. The whole nation was getting
jittery from too much war news, and the sporting public was demanding
wilder and wilder government-sponsored Sport spectacles, to blot out the
grim horizon ... and then it happened everywhere, all at once -- The
Great Cheerful Naked Bowling Boom of 2003.
My friend Omar, from up the road, is opening a national chain of bowling
alleys where house rules require that all human clothing be checked at
the door. "It keeps them from stealing," he told me. "A naked person is
an honest person. We have very low operating costs -- free labor, no
taxes, new friends in strange places and extremely addictive behavior
five times a week." Hundreds of thousands of otherwise decent people are
already hopelessly addicted to naked bowling, which renders them all but
useless for normal military work.
These Losers are like a plague of leeches on the body politic. They dim
the brain as well as the body, and eventually the victim gets sucked dry
and dies. That is very dead weight, which is fatal to a fast-moving army
of tanks. I have always hated bowling, and I don't mind admitting it. I
can't even tolerate naked bowling, because of the tragic encounters with
the "SPORT" and everything it stands for. The sound of a heavy black
ball crashing down on anything made of wood makes me sick.
There would, of course, be no need to haggle about bowling at all --
except that it is a recognized sport in this country, and I am a
professional sportswriter, and I am watching a real-life naked bowling
contest on my TV screen right now as I write this page. I see a team of
extremely naked women with huge breast implants and fake lips going
head-to-head with another naked team that would no doubt be wearing
Hooters T-shirts if this were anything but a pure naked bowling contest
-- and let me tell you for sure, sports fans, that these women are
really going at it. They are locked in a scoreless tie after 13 frames
of pretty frantic bowling.
Sounds just about right, eh? Let's all get naked and go bowling. Why
not? Where can I watch this stuff?
The Answer is: On the Canadian Playboy channel, which presents a few
problems in itself. It is costly, for one, and two is that a
subscription to Canadian Playboy almost always causes trouble in
families with underage children. Any child who can multiply 5 times 6
will also understand quickly how to cut right through any of the
so-called Parental Controls or sex-blockers or anti-porno devices. These
are standard procedures and therefore penetrable by any half-bright
low-tech yoyo in the neighborhood. Your children will soon become sex
addicts.
We had a minor scandal in Woody Creek not long ago that involved a
network of pampered children ranging in age from 16 down to 9. They not
only copied sex films from their parents' TV, for sale at school, but
made their own videotapes of each other having random public sex at home
and at school and on pool tables with multiple partners, which they
either sold or traded around the school like baseball cards.
"We haven't seen a local girl turn up on the Orgy TV channel," said the
Coroner, "but it's bound to happen sooner or later. These sex channels
pay good money for explicit underage sex movies."
Which somehow brings us back to bowling. All you have to do is cruise
into your favorite local bowling alley, and watch a while -- and then
smoke some fine hashish and think heavily about what kind of shuffling,
screeching, hideous vision your favorite bowling alley would be, if all
those people were stark raving naked.
OK, thank you for thinking. Are we clear on that?
Upon further study, I have concluded that Naked Bowling is not, in fact,
a direct threat to the military security of the U.S.A. But is should be
restricted to Canada. Mahalo.
* * * * *
In other sports news last week -- The Los Angeles Lakers vaporized the
Minnesota Timberwolves in a terrifying warmup for their next foe in the
NBA playoffs, 117-98. ... My man Allen Iverson went wild and scored 55
beautiful points against New Orleans and single-handedly made me a
winner, 98-90, just barely covering the foolish seven-point spread that
I had given in a moment of weakness, while Anita and I were watching the
Naked News from Canada that comes in on a different signal-receiver on
the same big screen ABC broadcast of the NBA games.
Frankly, I am having a hard time staying constantly on top of the latest
sporting action, mainly because ESPN has not yet delivered my up-graded
HD-TV equipment for watching the basketball games. ... I try to watch
Baseball, but the hard little white ball keeps disappearing in the
ever-changing maze of action between naked people dancing and small men
running desperately between bases.
Weak broadband signals are to blame for my failing TV reception, and my
signals are getting weaker and weaker by the day. Is it even possible
for the Pentagon to occupy half of all available Bandwidth in the
stratosphere?
You bet it is, bubba. Everything in what the Brits and the Yanks call
the "Free Western World" has been "freed up" for military purposes, with
no explanation, due to the Military Emergency. Is this a great country,
or what?
---
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JD
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RE: virus: HST sports archive
« Reply #1 on: 2005-07-05 04:15:44 » |
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I have a wonderful recording of HST taken in August 2002. He talks about his
ESPN column which he was writing on Sept. 11th 2001 and sundry other topics,
mostly US politics. Comes across as a very decent person.
Download the 15mb MP3 here:
http://www.streamload.com/limbic/Misc/hunter_thompson_aug29_2002.mp3
Stream the MP3 here: http://tinyurl.com/cs2ao
Kind regards
Jonathan
-----Original Message-----
From: owner-virus@lucifer.com [mailto:owner-virus@lucifer.com] On Behalf Of
Blunderov
Sent: 03 July 2005 23:27
To: virus@lucifer.com
Subject: RE: virus: HST sports archive
[Blunderov] I accidentally found some of HST's sports pieces whilst googling
the string "horrible news for Bush". Hope springs eternal. I liked this one.
Best Regards.
http://sports.espn.go.com/page2/s/thompson/030421.html
The tragedy of naked bowling
By Hunter S. Thompson
Page 2 columnist
"Yo, little Suzie -- how's about me and you hookin' up for some naked
bowling tonight?"
"Say WHAT? Get out of my face!"
Naked Bowling was once a sinister sport in America, but today it is making a
strong comeback, very strong. Nobody except Waterheads will deny that the
recent craze for bowling naked in public makes it one of the fastest growing
sports in the free world.
Wonderful. It came in the nick of time. The whole nation was getting jittery
from too much war news, and the sporting public was demanding wilder and
wilder government-sponsored Sport spectacles, to blot out the grim horizon
... and then it happened everywhere, all at once -- The Great Cheerful Naked
Bowling Boom of 2003.
My friend Omar, from up the road, is opening a national chain of bowling
alleys where house rules require that all human clothing be checked at the
door. "It keeps them from stealing," he told me. "A naked person is an
honest person. We have very low operating costs -- free labor, no taxes, new
friends in strange places and extremely addictive behavior five times a
week." Hundreds of thousands of otherwise decent people are already
hopelessly addicted to naked bowling, which renders them all but useless for
normal military work.
These Losers are like a plague of leeches on the body politic. They dim the
brain as well as the body, and eventually the victim gets sucked dry and
dies. That is very dead weight, which is fatal to a fast-moving army of
tanks. I have always hated bowling, and I don't mind admitting it. I can't
even tolerate naked bowling, because of the tragic encounters with the
"SPORT" and everything it stands for. The sound of a heavy black ball
crashing down on anything made of wood makes me sick.
There would, of course, be no need to haggle about bowling at all -- except
that it is a recognized sport in this country, and I am a professional
sportswriter, and I am watching a real-life naked bowling contest on my TV
screen right now as I write this page. I see a team of extremely naked women
with huge breast implants and fake lips going head-to-head with another
naked team that would no doubt be wearing Hooters T-shirts if this were
anything but a pure naked bowling contest
-- and let me tell you for sure, sports fans, that these women are really
going at it. They are locked in a scoreless tie after 13 frames of pretty
frantic bowling.
Sounds just about right, eh? Let's all get naked and go bowling. Why not?
Where can I watch this stuff?
The Answer is: On the Canadian Playboy channel, which presents a few
problems in itself. It is costly, for one, and two is that a subscription to
Canadian Playboy almost always causes trouble in families with underage
children. Any child who can multiply 5 times 6 will also understand quickly
how to cut right through any of the so-called Parental Controls or
sex-blockers or anti-porno devices. These are standard procedures and
therefore penetrable by any half-bright low-tech yoyo in the neighborhood.
Your children will soon become sex addicts.
We had a minor scandal in Woody Creek not long ago that involved a network
of pampered children ranging in age from 16 down to 9. They not only copied
sex films from their parents' TV, for sale at school, but made their own
videotapes of each other having random public sex at home and at school and
on pool tables with multiple partners, which they either sold or traded
around the school like baseball cards.
"We haven't seen a local girl turn up on the Orgy TV channel," said the
Coroner, "but it's bound to happen sooner or later. These sex channels pay
good money for explicit underage sex movies."
Which somehow brings us back to bowling. All you have to do is cruise into
your favorite local bowling alley, and watch a while -- and then smoke some
fine hashish and think heavily about what kind of shuffling, screeching,
hideous vision your favorite bowling alley would be, if all those people
were stark raving naked.
OK, thank you for thinking. Are we clear on that?
Upon further study, I have concluded that Naked Bowling is not, in fact, a
direct threat to the military security of the U.S.A. But is should be
restricted to Canada. Mahalo.
* * * * *
In other sports news last week -- The Los Angeles Lakers vaporized the
Minnesota Timberwolves in a terrifying warmup for their next foe in the NBA
playoffs, 117-98. ... My man Allen Iverson went wild and scored 55 beautiful
points against New Orleans and single-handedly made me a winner, 98-90, just
barely covering the foolish seven-point spread that I had given in a moment
of weakness, while Anita and I were watching the Naked News from Canada that
comes in on a different signal-receiver on the same big screen ABC broadcast
of the NBA games.
Frankly, I am having a hard time staying constantly on top of the latest
sporting action, mainly because ESPN has not yet delivered my up-graded
HD-TV equipment for watching the basketball games. ... I try to watch
Baseball, but the hard little white ball keeps disappearing in the
ever-changing maze of action between naked people dancing and small men
running desperately between bases.
Weak broadband signals are to blame for my failing TV reception, and my
signals are getting weaker and weaker by the day. Is it even possible for
the Pentagon to occupy half of all available Bandwidth in the stratosphere?
You bet it is, bubba. Everything in what the Brits and the Yanks call the
"Free Western World" has been "freed up" for military purposes, with no
explanation, due to the Military Emergency. Is this a great country, or
what?
---
To unsubscribe from the Virus list go to
<http://www.lucifer.com/cgi-bin/virus-l>
__________ NOD32 1.1160 (20050701) Information __________
This message was checked by NOD32 antivirus system.
http://www.eset.com
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