 Poll
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| Question: | Pick your preference
| I prefer the Vogon poetry on the right | |    2 (18%) |
| I prefer the parody from the left | | 4 (36%) |
| I'm going to go and read William Topaz McGonagall as an improvement! | | 5 (45%) |
| | | | Total Votes: 11 | |
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Author
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Topic: Select your preference (Read 3462 times) |
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Hermit
Archon
Posts: 4289
Reputation: 8.79
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Prime example of a practically perfect person
 
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Select your preference
« on: 2003-08-19 09:20:14 » |
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*William Topaz McGonagall - the world's 2nd worst poet
This post has been edited to attempt to clarify a Deesian misapprehension caused by a complete lack of humor and blissful ability to stare right past satire on the part of the Vogan Poet (one possible reason why Vogons make for poor poets), and further, to restore some context for those not present when Joe Dees threatened to leave the CoV and demanded that we erase his works, presumably imagining that they might be missed.
The parody and poll were created due to the implicit challenge of one of Mr Dees' departure messages quoted below (unfortunately, he was lying about leaving). In the poll (above), "left" and "right" were swapped around. The Vogon Poet's work is "Hard Question, Hard Answer", the parody is "Soft Head, Wank Verse". Initial voters, having seen the Vogon Poetry the first time around, when it was posted to the list, were well aware of this. The transposition was intended to highlight the fact that when dealing with autoparodeesing Vogon Poetry, it can be very difficult to discern any difference between the inherent self-parody integral to all bloviated works (ask Sylvia Plath) and an intentional parody of the work in question. In addition, Mr Dees is a longway to the right of Attila the Hun, while Hermit, the author of the parody (and this note), is more comfortable somewhere to the left of what passes for a "leftish" perception in the US (yet well to the right of most of Europe). Thus a political pun interspersed with an attempt at poetic justice.
The poll should be used as follows:- Vote for the parody, "Soft Head, Wank Verse" if you find it less worse than the Vogon Poet's effort, "Hard Question, Hard Answer".
- Vote for William Topaz McGonagall if you find even McGonagall's work (e.g. The Tay Bridge Disaster) preferable, even by a gnat's ball hair, to both "Hard Question, Hard Answer" and its parody, "Soft Head, Wank Verse".
- Vote for the Vogon poetry only if you find its anxious angst, inane incoherence, ponderous pauses, massive momentum, faltering rhythm and shambling gait speaks to your soul as a bullfrog passes wind through its herniated rectum when stepped on by an obese pregnant she hippopotamusTM.
We will draw our own conclusions about your ability to appreciate poetry based on your response.
To obtain the best possible view of this work, widen your screen so that no lines are wrapped in the poems below, as, for maximum effect, the two poems are meant to be compared line for line.
[Dees] If the removal of my writings offends you, then substitute your own - oops, you are incapable of producing writings of such quality. All you can do is spout doggerel, spew propaganda, and slur your betters.
[Hermit] Thus, ejaculated the Vogon Poet. And inviting parody, the invitation is fulfilled.
| Soft Head, Wank Verse | Hard Question, Hard Answer |
| Why do little childrens bums | Why are we the only ones? | | Stab me like a knife | Of all life, | | Weaken it, I want inside | We commit mass homicide, | | Kilted elves | Kill ourselves, | | In I come and then I groan | And befoul our only home. | | Golden pee | Only we. | | I try | Why? | | After painful urination | After painful meditiation | | Though my passions I relieve | I've come to believe | | My discharge tells my I'm infected | That we are infected | | With some nightmare sexual disease | With a blessed, damned disease | | Chancres filled with pus. | Called consciousness. | | Attracted by boyhood in my senility | Caught between beasthood and divinity | | After turd eating I hurled, but not all of it. | Between being of the world and not of it | | Between having fun and hurling all | Between knowing none and knowing all | | Over my pretty elf, chucking cream, penis handling | Between perfect self-ignorance and supreme self-understanding | | In my car, semen covered features, mutual tossability | We are the creatures of individual possibility. | | Unnatural whirled jism smears his prepuceral hood and he | In the natural world there is neither good not evil; | | fulfilleth his bareness, cums, rapacity then sloth | With awareness comes the capacity for both. | | That same infection, permeats my heart, my jism | That same infection which permits art, altruism, | | Infects he, first here, I violate him, tear his pants | Fidelity and loving care, allows violence, indifference, | | End childish sprees, my halitosis | Dishonesty and psychosis, | | Forced upon this pawn, depravity, it drives me wild | For it spawns personality and its child | | Impressionable voice | Personal choice. | | I take my leave, gifting him my proclivity | I have come to believe in both the divinity | | endogastric dicking, exotic torture | and the diaboly of human nature | | Bending kiddies to my will | And that they are inseparable. | | Our disease is terminal | My disease is terminal | | fecal doobedoo, masturbate, eat shit | And all we can do is make the best of it | | Bestriding, licking feet, my virility lessons | By striving to treat its more virulent symptoms | | Watching children I've covered in lesions. | While reaping its blessings. |
PS Never forget to wash your hands with hot water and soap after reading and even more importantly, after writing, poetry.
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With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. - Steven Weinberg, 1999
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kirksteele
Acolyte
Posts: 74
Reputation: 4.21
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I have never logged in.
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Re:Select your preference
« Reply #1 on: 2003-09-18 16:57:42 » |
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More Vogon Poetry:
See, see the sky
Marvel at its big puce depths.
Tell me, do you
Wonder why the George Dubya Bush ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel .
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your Dubya facial growth
That looks like
A Spam.
What's more, it knows
Your Democracy potting shed
Smells of dollar bill.
Everything under the big sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm s.
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"Howdy pawdna. Yeee-freakin-haw!! We got us another good ole boy in da White Wash"
-just shoot me
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