2006 Democrat Contract With Al Qaeda
By A. J. Strata
http://strata-sphere.com/blog/index.php/archives/1305This 2006 Congressional Democrat Contract With Al Qaeda lays out what the Democrat Party promises to do if they are given majorities in Congress this fall:
As Democrat Members of the House of Representatives, and as citizens seeking to join that body, we propose not just to change current policies, but even more important, to restore the bonds of trust between the people and their elected representatives.
That is why, in this era of official evasion and posturing, we offer instead a detailed agenda for national renewal, a written commitment with no fine print. We call this our Contract With Al Qaeda”
This year’s election offers the chance, after 4 years of one-party control, to bring to the House a new majority that will transform the Nation’s policies towards Al Qaeda. That historic change would be the end of government that is too focused in Iraq, too intrusive, and too obsessed with possible terrorist attacks. It can be the beginning of a Congress that respects the privacy of all peoples, including members of Al Qaeda here in the US.
On the first day of the 104th Congress, the new Democrat majority will immediately pass the following major legislation, aimed at restoring the pre 9-11 mirage of security and world harmony and ending this Administration’s policies for National Security:
FIRST, we will finally kill the Patriot Act so that no member of Al Qaeda will fear using our libraries to access international websites, access their email, or do basic research on major US installations and population centers. We will guarantee full privacy due anyone who makes it to our shores without question. In addition, we will roll back all provisions that put terrorism on an equal footing with Drug Traffickers and Organized Crime, which we understand greatly insults members of Al Qaeda who consider themselves above drug lords.
SECOND, We will enact legislation to release all Al Qaeda members now held in custody in the GITMO Gulag, while providing legal counsel to all who have been unfairly detained during this unfortunate international misunderstanding between Al Qaeda and America. We will ensure all detainees have options for bail and parole so they can continue with their life’s efforts while the legal issues surrounding their detention are worked out. Every ex-detainee will be provided the services of an ACLU lawyer.
THIRD, we will pass legislation ensuring that all Al Qaeda members will be free from government monitoring of their phone calls and emails with comrades back home monitored without probable cause. Probable cause will not include the normal desire to call home to friends and family. We see this act as protecting US citizens and Al Qaeda alike from warrantless surveillance.
FOURTH, as part of our revamping of immigration laws, we will ensure Al Qaeda members are treated the same as any other illegal immigrant now in America. We will provide you amnesty, a driver’s license, health care and education support once you are able to sneak past our borders.
FIFTH, as with warrantless electronic surveillance and in anticipation of pending civil lawsuits, we plan to pass legislation that bans warrantless searches of person and luggage at airports and other major transportation centers. It makes no sense to allow random searches of travelers if we are going to end targeted surveillance of communications. And we find both actions to be religious profiling and against the common sense norms of all liberal Americans.
SIXTH, Also, in line with the unfair targeting of Al Qaeda communications and persons travelling, we plan to submit legislation ending the practice of no-fly lists. This practice is biased towards people with common names and has limited the rights to travel of nuns and babies in the past.
SEVENTH, in an effort to demonstrate our sincere apologies for the actions of President Bush towards Al Qaeda, we plan to return the State of Iraq to the despot dictator of Al Qaeda’s choice by calling for the immediate withdrawal of our military forces to the safety of European soil. We encourage Al Qaeda to do what they please with the Iraqi people.
EIGHTH, we will submit and pass legislation that will mandate any questioning by US agents of Al Qaeda members to (a) be done in the presence of an ACLU lawyer, (b) never last more than 30 minutes, (c) be done indoors, in climate controlled conditions, (d) include an offering of proper food and beverage and (e) require every question to use the word ‘please’.
NINE, we promise to immediately begin impeachment of Al Qaeda’s most dangerous enemy, the Imperial President W Bush, and we will promise to not stop our efforts until we have removed this thorn in Al Qaeda’s side - even if we have to make up scandals to get it done.
We the undersigned candidates of the Democrat National Party do swear that if elected, and given control of the House of Representatives and the Senate, we will enact the above Contract With Al Qaeda.
Saddam at the Bat
By Christopher Buckley
http://www.slate.com/id/2157038/nav/tap2/The outlook wasn't brilliant for the old regime that day:
The score stood four to two, with but Saddam left to slay,
So then when Uday bought it first, and Qusay did the same,
A pall-like silence fell upon the Baathists of the game.
A shackled few got up to go in deep despair. The rest
Clung to the hope that the Americans might protest;
They thought, "If only Saddam could but get a stay—
We'd put up even dinars now, that Saddam could get away."
There was ease in Saddam's manner as he stepped into his place;
There was pride in Saddam's bearing, though no smile upon his face.
And when, responding to the jeers, he lightly said, "Screw you,"
No Shiites in the crowd could doubt 'twas Saddam, through and through.
Oh, somewhere in this troubled land the sun is shining bright,
The infidels are blowing up, and my heart, though stopped, is light;
And everywhere around the world mujahideen do sprout,
And so there's joy in Baghdad, though your Leader has checked out.
Democrats Send a Distinctive Message to Troops
http://www.macsmind.com/wordpress/2007/01/10/democrats-send-a-distinctive-message-to-troops/No matter what Pelosi, Reid, or the rest of Democratic leadership say, they are telling our troops in Iraq,
“Sorry about your sacrifices, but we’re pulling out, the whole thing was a mistake - your sacrifice was a mistake”.
In fact they might as well pen the letter now:
To: All our past, present soldiers in Operation Iraqi Freedom.
From: Your newly Installed and Coronated Democratic Leadership
We of the newly entroned and coronated Democratic Party are writing to officially tell you that we can no longer support your sacrifice, or allow you to vindicate the honor of your fallen comrades by allowing you to win this war. We know that your morale is up and that by and large to a soldier you have no problem serving or believing you can win and that retreat isn’t even your vocabulary, we mourn your blindness. But we know better than you and because we suckered the American public into believing we could actually run a country (like Ted Kennedy runs his love life), well we’re working to end the whole thing and bring you home and spit on you just like we did in Iraq War I or as we affectionately refer to as, “Vietnam”.
So to Sgt Tim Jones, who witnessed his buddy get his head blown off by a sniper, well we say, “suck it up bucko!”, it was all for naught.
You see it’s not you, for us it’s really all about President Bush. Ever since our Savior, Bill Clinton (may his name be praised) was unceremoniously impeached by evil Republicans who couldn’t let a little perjury, obstruction of justice and other crimes slide, we’ve been on a mission to do the same to your Commander and Chief.
But then 9/11 happened which inconveniently - for us - caused us to fold back our plans a little bit. However we stayed busy by leaking just enough classified information through the years - combined with general media hysteria about “bugs” in the water cooler - to cause alarm that the evil old Bush was out to get ‘em.
Actually we really proud of that, in fact Bill Keller should be a National Hero!
Anyway, we want you to know it’s not about you. It’s about war. What we mean its like the song, “What is it good for”? After all while the President calls Al Qaeda terrorists, we believe them to be simply misguided souls and products of American abuse who simply need a little therapy and prozac to help them see that we really don’t mean them any harm, and that we want only to sit by the fireside with them and, you know, shoot the bull, read the Quran, bash America, stuff like that.
Besides all that we really don’t like you. You see we associate military with Victory and American dominance and strength in the world, and well you know, the French hate that kind of talk. Like our House Leader, Grandma Pelosi said, “It’s so tawdy!”
So we want you to know that as we commence to harrass the President, hold endless hearings and continually leak classified information that directly puts your ass on the line, if you don’t like it, well, you can go sit on your rife knife or whatever you call that thingamajigy thing you have on the end those guns.
In the meantime, Kiss our Ass, we won, we won!!
Traitorously yours,
Your Democratic Party.
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